Priorities

All day today, I've been in my pajamas doing applications and research for my classes. Oh, and also joking around and watching New Girl. (I can't lie by portraying myself as efficient as the first sentence implied...) Anyway, needless to say, I had ample time to prepare for the night, when I was supposed to FaceTime my family, take a shower, get ready, go to Church, and go to a Poetry Slam. One would think I'd be smart and get everything done on time, right? Wrong. I have the WORST time management in the world when it comes to physical meetings, so I ended up rushing through my FaceTime, showering like a Marine, and still having Blair hold my phone as a mirror so I could do my makeup on the side of the road while waiting for a bus. I'm a hot mess sometimes. Anyway, that entire time I was stressing about being late (although it was so avoidable!). I was so worried about not finishing getting ready that I honestly considered skipping church so that I could look good for the Poetry. Hold up and reread that. I'm embarrassed at how shallow I can be. I was willing to cut my worship time in order to feel like I was more desirable. Who am I to say that the way God made me isn't good enough for the general public? What lies have I been fed by the entire culture that I felt inadequate without curling my hair? (Granted, I NEVER do my hair, so this was a bit of an extreme circumstance. However, it's still disgusting that this was my mindset even once). Luckily, I ended up going to Church (not quite ready, but whatever), and I loved the service. God has an amazing way of slowing me down and showing me what's truly important. He loves and accepts me no matter what. I don't have to find my satisfaction and identity in beauty or guys. I was looking in all the wrong places for acceptance.
If guys, or anyone, isn't willing to embrace me as I am, maybe they're not worth my time. I am not an object, and I'm not a Barbie doll. There is passion and conviction behind my confident face. For too long, girls of all ages have been settling for guys who only take us at face value (literally). Just like the abused Latino women I work with at my internship (Justice and Mercy Legal Aid Clinic), I settle because I'm clearly too impatient to wait for a connection that transcends. Why would a battered woman stay with her abuser? A distorted sense of belonging and desirability. Apparently, sometimes harmful attention is better than none. These women have shown me, through their struggles and decision to finally stand up and get help (from my internship), that we are worth more. As I stood with my arms raised in adoration of the Lord at Church today, God showed me that He is enough. "Quiet," He said. "Rest your racing mind and just listen to me. I am sufficient, and no one can fill this space in your heart. Stop looking, because I'm right here." I ended up an hour late to the Poetry Slam that I had been so stressed about (worship ran over quite a bit). However, it didn't matter. The Lord set my priorities on Him, and lo and behold the rest fell in place. When I idolize the attention and acceptance of others, I lose myself in the process. Thanks be to God that He doesn't judge me when my priorities are out of line, and that He's always ready with open arms when I come racing back to Him.

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