Late Night Reflections


Well, I’m exhausted, and I know I should be asleep right now. As always, I keep a fairly busy schedule here. Between classes on Monday and Friday, my internship on Tuesday through Thursday, “civil engagements” with the Gap team on the weekends, and my dance classes three times a week, I don’t leave myself much time to really just sit and reflect. However, times like these are necessary for me to process and develop ideas about everything I’m witnessing and involved in. I can tell I’ve been changing, and I like who I’m becoming. I care about others, and I want to serve others and share the love of Christ. Sadly, this outward focus can leave me discouraged as I think of all the lives I can’t affect.
 Living in a city, I see hundreds, if not thousands, of people each week, and I want to invest in all of them. How can I convey compassion and benevolence in a 5 minute bus-ride? I’m saddened to think of lonely individuals who don’t recognize that others care about them, that I care about them. Just today, a man in a wheelchair sat a few rows ahead of me on the bus. His stench, from his own waste, was so noxious that I felt nauseous for the next two hours. I never said a word to him, and I even discreetly evacuated my seat early in order to catch a breath. How can I ever hope to minister to people like this if I can’t even stay in their presence? I wanted him to know that I care, and I hope that my smile conveyed such. Still, there is so much about his situation that I can never hope to influence. What’s more, I never even got the chance to talk to him. My internal optimist is telling me to focus on all the lives that I can affect instead of worrying about what I can’t change, but I still feel a bit disappointed that I can’t help everyone. Silly Alexis: always wanting to be superwoman. This is where Christ comes in. Although I can’t “save” everyone (in fact, I can’t save anyone on my own), I know that the Lord my God has the power. He made each one of us in His own image, for heaven’s sake! If he had the deliberation to intricately design our every aspect, He surely has time to bring us back to Him. Where I am weak, He is strong.
Alright optimistic side of my brain, you win. I can focus on the opportunities Christ has arranged for me instead of worrying about the compilation of earth’s problems. My shoulders simply aren’t strong enough for such a load. Hopefully, my smile will be enough for the rest. If 5 minutes is all the time I get with the majority of these people, then I better hope to make it a good 5, simply by living in the peace and joy of Christ. Sometimes, words aren’t even necessary. 

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