Faith, Life, and Lessons

Growing up as the only girl in a military home, I have spent the majority of my life subconsciously believing that strength is the ultimate superlative. It was never an overt declaration, as most internalized beliefs aren’t. The idea was so fundamental that it never even occurred to me to address it or recognize that it wasn’t a universal standard. Between wrestling and racing my brothers, being the only girl in an annual vacation of 10 kids, and even committing to Air Force ROTC, strength just seemed to be ingrained in the way I viewed the world. To that end, many of my proudest moments revolve around exhibiting some sort of mental toughness. Surviving a horrific jaw surgery by pretending I was a prisoner of war, starting a dance team against the odds, and doing well at a the Air Force summer seminar are a few examples. In retrospect, strength had become my weakness . Or rather, the unrealistic expectations I had set for myself around the concept. At first, the idea of pursuing s...

Those who know me well know that poverty and homelessness are issues that are very close to my heart. In fact, the concept of homelessness has plagued me since I can remember; it just doesn’t make sense from a childlike perception of the world. We have all these empty houses, but people are dying on the streets. That’s what I thought when I was 7, and I still hold those values to some extent (albeit hopefully in a more sophisticated and detailed analysis). The past few months especially, I’ve felt a dissonance in my spiritual life because of my lack of action on behalf of the poor. I don’t mean that in a “look how philanthropic I am” way at all because everyone is called to different issues, but in my personal life, I truly felt like a hypocrite to say that I follow Jesus while walking by those He would have ministered to. Obviously, I’m not Jesus, so I can’t possibly carry the weight of injustice and poverty on my shoulders. Still, I felt like I was allowing privilege and apathy to sh...

Hi hi hi. Just giving a brief update on my life for those who are wondering. Most Vandy kids probably already know how I am because I’ve been feeling well for the last 3ish weeks and have come up to visit a few times a week. Physically: I’ve been off the antibiotics for about 3 weeks (which is why I feel so well), but my latest blood test showed that my liver is recovering enough that I’ll likely start the treatment again this coming week. E ven though that means I'll likely be back to full sick-mode, I actually am happy to get going again. My current state of limbo is frustrating; I know I’m sick and face the consequences of trying to overdo my body, but I’m not even taking action against the illness at this point. I’d rather just get all the treatment over with and then be able to truly live my life. I feel like I’m just putting off the inevitable otherwise. For instance, this weekend two of my lovely friends came into town, so we went to the fair so I could show 'em ho...

Greetings from the trenches of illness! Believe it or not, I'm feeling shockingly well considering all that my poor body is taking. About two weeks ago, my doctor took me off all antibiotics because my blood tests from the week showed that I had elevated liver enzymes, meaning my liver is damaged. Not surprising, given all the meds I'd been throwing at it. However, my blood test didn't show any improvement in my liver last week, which was concerning. They did further tests and found out that on top of the Lyme, I also have mono and strep. Apparently my immune system is so low right now that I should be wearing one of those assembly line medical masks. Not happening. Unfortunately, despite all the infection I apparently am harboring, we have to be super careful with antibiotics to get rid of even the strep because, again, my liver is already damaged. It's a cluster. Nonetheless, I actually feel pretty fine. In fact, I'm legitimately happy. It's true. I think a lo...

Hi. I’m not really sure where to start, so I suppose I’ll just start with a Spark Notes™  version: This past April while I was studying for finals, I was lying out on the grass because I like to feel like I’m connected to the Earth. I got a bunch of bug bites on my back but wasn’t worried about it. A week later, I pulled what I thought was a scab off my back; I realized it was a tick whenever it started squirming in my fingers. I squished it and my own blood came out (unnecessary information, but I want you to feel the horror). Because I was flying out to Madrid the next day, I didn’t have time to worry about my little tag-along. However, once in Spain, I started getting bizarre leg spasms, backaches, headaches etc. I feared Lyme disease based on my Google searches, but it was super unproductive when I went to a doctor over there. I eventually convinced myself those were all symptoms of being in a new country with a new diet etc. Still, I got tested when I finally got back to Nash...

Today, on my last day in the office and my last day in Madrid in general, I realized that many (most?) of my friends may not even know what I’m actually even doing here. I guess it’s hard to pick up the details through sporadic photos of graffiti and me gooning around in Europe. Well. Let’s rectify that. Long story short, I knew that I wanted to do my project for Ingram this summer, and I knew I wanted to focus on microfinance or some sort of economic development. I began my research in September and literally spent the entire school year researching and developing a project that ended up being a 67-page proposal for the Ingram board to review (don’t worry; there were plenty of graphs and citations). Anyways, my proposal essentially stated that I would come work with an international non-profit, known as Endeavor, in their Madrid office in order to conduct research and interviews and end up with a large report that could be published. As the leader of the high-impact entrepreneurshi...

Having visited over 13 countries in my life so far (and with 3 more coming in the next few weeks even), I feel like I’ve been exposed to a wide array of cultures. I’m not sure how long you have to stay somewhere for “visiting” to become “living,” but since I was alive and well in all of those places, I guess I’ve actually lived in quite a few countries. Regardless, something that’s kept coming up in my mind the past few weeks has been the conception of identity, as broad and daunting a topic as that might seem. Each new context I find myself in brings its own challenges, joys, and norms. Lest you think this is a phenomenon only for the continent-hoppers of the world, I’d like to point out that this change is just as prevalent when moving to a new city, or even to a new friend group. Irrespective of distance, new experiences inherently bring out slightly different sides of a person because they require different skills and characteristics. While I think one of my strongest traits i...

You know, humans seem to always seek familiarity. It’s incredibly easy to make expat friends here in the city because as soon as you hear someone speaking English, you have an opportunity. I’ve made multiple friends by simply hearing English and asking where they were from. One thing leads to another and next thing you know you’re making plans weekend plans with people you met on the metro. Life is random like that. If you feel like an outsider in society, it becomes incredibly easy- even necessary- to find others like yourself. To not have to explain everything. Even outside of nationality, I’ve realized today that this drive towards comfort and familiarity also becomes apparent in the spheres of age and life experience. Although many of the new friends I'm making here are not American, they're still very similar to me. We’re all college students just trying to understand the world and its inhabitants. However, while sitting on a bench and reading for about an hour and a half ...

Well, for those who don't know, this past week was my first of eight weeks working in Madrid, Spain! I'm working with an international company called Endeavor. Endeavor seeks to support entrepreneurs in growing their companies, stimulating the economy, creating jobs, and ultimately alleviating poverty. Since Endeavor's Madrid office has only been open for a bit over a year, it's still quite small, and it's been both interesting and enlightening to get started there. My co-workers are also very welcoming, and it's been fun getting to know them whilst communicating in "Spanglish." Speaking of language, it's been quite a jolt for my poor brain to fire up those dusty Spanish neurons, since I hadn't been practicing for a bit over a year beside a few periodic conversations. Needless to say, I'm fully immersed now, and it's all coming back to me. I've also had some precious time with my previous host family, and I even got to attend my sis...