Update Again. Still Alive!

Hi hi hi. Just giving a brief update on my life for those who are wondering. Most Vandy kids probably already know how I am because I’ve been feeling well for the last 3ish weeks and have come up to visit a few times a week.

Physically: I’ve been off the antibiotics for about 3 weeks (which is why I feel so well), but my latest blood test showed that my liver is recovering enough that I’ll likely start the treatment again this coming week. Even though that means I'll likely be back to full sick-mode, I actually am happy to get going again. My current state of limbo is frustrating; I know I’m sick and face the consequences of trying to overdo my body, but I’m not even taking action against the illness at this point. I’d rather just get all the treatment over with and then be able to truly live my life. I feel like I’m just putting off the inevitable otherwise. For instance, this weekend two of my lovely friends came into town, so we went to the fair so I could show 'em how the real Tennesseans get down *cue Southern accent*. I felt almost completely normal (albeit a bit less energetic), and it was a blast. As if angry that I was having so much fun, my body revolted later that night and made me super nauseous with a bad headache and backache. The worst part was knowing I had brought it upon myself by trying to do too much. Still, it’s hard to act like I’m dying and stay on bedrest when I feel good enough to get out. It’s just a weird balance. Other than that, I’ve had trouble sleeping, which is like an ironic joke since I feel the worst when I’m tired. At this point, I need at least 9ish hours of sleep to be functional the next day. If that doesn’t change, I’m going to have to dramatically change my life once I get back to school.

Emotionally: Like I said, it’s frustrating to be unable to take my meds, but it’s also been great to have the time to visit friends and enjoy some sense of normalcy. Unfortunately, my emotions can swing much more than I’m used to, which is likely because of the neurological effects of Lyme. The vast majority of the time, I’m truly happy and am enjoying my freedom and the small things of life. I have an odd sense of peace and contentment (thanks, Jesus). However, every now and then, it feels like a cloud comes over me, usually spurred by almost nothing. It’s hard to explain because of how foreign it is to me, but the effect is basically that I don’t want to do anything or see anyone because I’m so annoyed. In those times, I have to exert genuine effort to get myself out of it by choosing to read the Bible and think through everything instead of numbing myself with a movie. Here’s a funny example: the other day I felt a random urge to google Starbucks’ use of coconut milk, only to find out that it’s loaded with additives. For some reason, that just struck me as deeply upsetting, and I had to legitimately sit down and get my mind right about it. Bizarre. (Note: the Starbucks incident has led me further into my hippie-yoga life of not trusting corporate America because of their blatant disrespect for our bodies). Luckily, these antisocial episodes are rare, so it’s not hard to quell them.

Spiritually: I’ve been trying to use my time wisely to actually listen to the Holy Spirit and become a better person, but it’s amazing how easily distractions can slip in, even when I’m doing so little. I’m reading about 8 books right now, 6 of which are theological. Still, I'm trying to work on a true relationship over an intellectual but heartless pursuit. I’ve also been convicted that I need to be praying much more than I am. The goal is to build these traits up now so that I can carry them into my “normal” life. I also want to join a small group of some sort, but I’ve yet to do so. Still, I’ve been encouraged by countless friends who’ve reached out and given me advice, prayers, etc. It’s so easy to see how the Lord uses others to show his love, and I’m really thankful for that.

Daily life: Yoga is going very well, and I’ve started using fake tattoos to increase my street rep at the studio. Lucky for my dad, I know I could never commit to a real tattoo because I can barely even commit to a food choice for lunch. I also have weekly piano lessons, and I’ve started tutoring a yoga friend’s daughter for the ACT. (I love how systematic and predictable the ACT is). Other than that, I’ve been DEEP cleaning my room because of the sense of control it gives me. Anyways, I've been doing a bit more but have decided this blog is already too long, so I'll make a new one. Blessings to all my friends and family, and thanks for keeping me in your prayers!