Identity: what's dispensable?

Having visited over 13 countries in my life so far (and with 3 more coming in the next few weeks even), I feel like I’ve been exposed to a wide array of cultures. I’m not sure how long you have to stay somewhere for “visiting” to become “living,” but since I was alive and well in all of those places, I guess I’ve actually lived in quite a few countries. Regardless, something that’s kept coming up in my mind the past few weeks has been the conception of identity, as broad and daunting a topic as that might seem. Each new context I find myself in brings its own challenges, joys, and norms. Lest you think this is a phenomenon only for the continent-hoppers of the world, I’d like to point out that this change is just as prevalent when moving to a new city, or even to a new friend group. Irrespective of distance, new experiences inherently bring out slightly different sides of a person because they require different skills and characteristics.

While I think one of my strongest traits is my ability to enthusiastically adapt and remain flexible, it can also be a danger. Our greatest strengths are also our greatest weaknesses, and I’ve begun to see the dark side of that paradigm in myself. Especially in a time in my life when I have absolute freedom, I’ve realized that I have to consciously think about who I want to be if I want any consistency in my life. In other words, I easily become so enthralled with all the new adventures and friends and cultures before me that I can lose sight of my foundation. Lose sight of myself. This is definitely not the first (and likely not the last) time that I’ve learned this lesson, but maybe that makes it even more pertinent and valuable. It’s a lifelong lesson. Those are the big ones.

Tangibly speaking, I’ve had to learn many times that being the person I want to be doesn’t always come naturally. I think there’s a common misconception in our society that a life well-lived should be easy. That if you’re doing it right, it will just feel good and everything will fall into place. Blame it on the happiness theology (that is, that the pursuit of happiness is the greatest ambition and doing whatever makes us happy is always the best option). Well, I just don’t buy it. I know the type of person I want to be, and sometimes it takes work. Actually, it almost always takes work and dedication. If I want to be healthy, then I have to get up and go run. If I want to be calm, then I have to take the time to meditate and journal. If I want to be grounded, then I have to read the Bible and pray. These are just things that I’ve learned. In my abstract world of gray, these are some of the black and whites that I’ve found to be true for myself.

Oftentimes when in a new location, I like to ponder what of myself is based on my cultural heritage and upbringing and what is uniquely me. The age-old “nature versus nurture” debate. The truth is, source is almost irrelevant after the fact; regardless of where certain aspects of my character came from, they’re fully ingrained into my personality now and require my acknowledgement. Therefore, the main question that I find important is dispensability. If I am willing to disregard everything I am today and create a totally new person, then I am really nothing more than a body of ever-changing cells floating through life. A waif. As much as I value open-mindedness, I want to have an underlying base. Afterall, it’s useless to build on unstable ground. Sustainable growth and learning is not possible if I don’t first set for myself the framework of who I am and who I want to be. All that to say, I’ve learned that I really do have to give myself some boundaries and routine. Since realizing this (again), I’m working to chip away my own laziness and apathy to spend time praying and journaling. I’m trying to unravel myself from the entanglement of my own experiences and feelings, so that I can exude love and realize that I’m not the only one on this planet. I’m trying to incorporate the new things I like about myself and have the self-control to discard the things that I don't. And you know what? It’s really hard. But like I said, I don’t believe that it was necessarily meant to be easy, so maybe it’s oddly reassuring.

Anyways, to those still reading, I’ll wrap up by saying this: identity is an odd conception, but it infiltrates every part of your life. It’s worth thinking about. Consider who you are and who you want to be, and take steps to be that person. My traveller’s heart won’t let me think in terms of geographical roots, but I sure as heck want some metaphorical roots to anchor me. Getting swept up in the wind and noise of all life has to offer is a risk that faces all of us.