Life in a Muslim Culture: Part 2 (Sexism)

In general, one of the most notorious aspects of the Eastern culture and Islam is the treatment and perception of women. Coming into the culture, I was genuinely excited to see how the gender roles and beliefs would play out in my life personally and in my observations of others. This may sound odd since I just established that I expected inequality and possibly even harassment, but this is one of the interesting facets of my personality. I occasionally enjoy coming headfirst with difficulty, especially based others' doubts/prejudices. For instance, I absolutely loved going to the Air Force Academy summer seminar (for perspective students) exactly for the reason that dissuaded many others: the challenge. As a female in a males' world, I wanted to prove something to myself and others. Especially as a tall blonde, I stood out quite a bit, and there were certain instances where I felt that I was held to a different standard because of this. However, although I hated it at the time, I loved reflecting and realizing that I did something of which I could be proud. It was this same feminist sentiment that propelled some of my excitement for coming into the Middle East.

As in all places, I've seen that Middle Eastern gender roles are vastly determined by the situation and people. As my host family is very liberal for a Muslim family, I have felt virtually no different here than in my American family. Honestly, this family is even more uninhibited than many Western families (super affectionate/excited etc). Still, conservatism does play a role that I'm not used to. For instance, I have to wear a hijab (hair covering) when on the property of a mosque (although nowhere else). Explaining the choice, one of my host sisters elaborated that the hijab is used for women to bring less attention to themselves and be more modest. However, she doesn't wear one because she feels that women will get attention either way. In addition, conservative families separate men and women during festivities (the wedding party I'm attending this week will be separated). This, too, is to maintain modesty. Ironically, I think in some extreme cases that focus on avoiding sexuality actually increases the undertones of eroticism. Some traditional Muslims also permit polygamy and don't allow the incorporation of women in the working world. Still, it's been great for me to hear the opinions of the women of my host family. Strong and independent, they believe in getting married later in life so that they can get an education/job. They also don't accept polygamy, and they have high expectations for the men in their life. Unlike many women worldwide who crave a relationship, these women, like me, are all very comfortable being alone. Still, it's important for me to realize that my host family may be more of the exception than the normal. There are still many traditional places that separate the genders and generally have lower respect for women.

As far as personal experience, I get frequent attention and catcalls/honks from men as I walk to my internship in the mornings, undoubtedly due to my femininity and obvious American heritage. (Also, I don't understand the purpose of this behavior. Like what? I'm gonna notice your honking and jump in your car? Great pick-line... Not.) All around the world, American women have the stereotype of being "easy," so in every country I've had to be very intentional about modesty etc. Anyways, I've actually noticed that I have a different demeanor in situations where I'm alone in public. No more smiling and greeting every person that passes. Walking Alexis doesn't talk and she sure doesn't smile at men. However, I always grin at women and children just to assure them (and myself) that I'm still human. Before you think this hardened public facade is solely because of the sexualization of women in this culture, let me tell you where I first developed Walking Alexis... She was born during my time in Denver. Living in the low-end of the city, I had to learn to seem less vulnerable and naive in public. It is a necessary skill that I had never previously needed for extended periods of time. Ironically, I think Denver (America!) was actually the most dangerous of all the places I've lived during the gap year. Not in a compound in Haiti. Not in Rwanda, on the back of motorcycles and all. Not even in "sexist" Jordan. During my time in Denver, I (and all the other gap girls) would get catcalls and honks just as we do now. (We, the gap year girls, would always joke about the low standards of the city. Going out in sweats and an oversized T-shirt? No problem. You'll still greeted as a super model. Such a confidence boost). In the Middle East, it seems women are sometimes viewed almost as a dangerous weapon; our allure may just turn men wild. Therefore, we are expected to compensate through modesty and separation whenever possible. On the other hand, the West puts on a "feminist" act by allowing women to act and dress as they like. However, in over-sexualizing ourselves, we are actually just as much an object as the uber-covered traditional Muslim women. Western women are often viewed as bodies, not people. Despite the cultural differences, there are many common themes in the sexism across the world. The objectification of women is not a "them" problem that we can scapegoat on the Middle East; it's an "everyone" problem, and America has a huge role.