Why I Hate Self-consciousness
Quite a bit has happened to me since the last time I've blogged. I've been lucky enough to visit home, get clear direction about my future (college choice anyway) through the Ingram Scholarship, go on "gap spring break" (basically I just add "gap" to everything to affectionally brand ourselves), and now experience a new culture/family in Jordan. Despite the overwhelming blessings God has showered torrentially down-poured on me lately, I will unfortunately not be blogging about any of that at the moment. Instead, I would like to talk about the incredibly relevant and cross-cultural topic of self-consciousness, physical appearance, and vanity.
For the next month in Amman, Jordan, the entire gap group will be interning in various departments of the Princess Taghrid Institute. Among many other wonderful things, the Institute will be hosting a women's empowerment conference called the East West and Africa Women's Initiatives Conference. Aside from talks, trainings, and a dinner, the conference will hold a fashion show. What could be better than becoming a runway model in a huge fashion show in the Middle East while actual princesses are in the audience? Nothing- especially if you ask any girl under the age of 10. As expected, all the gap girls (who were all once 10 and still remember the feeling) signed up, and we had to "audition" with our walk that same day for a pro model. The next day, we met with the (highly successful) designer downtown to try on some of the dresses. In about 2 weeks (after "training" 4 times per week), we will retry the dresses and possibly make cuts (apparently only half of us can actually participate). As you can imagine, this is way more serious than we had originally imagined, although just as exciting and fun. Nonetheless, the experience seems to have, to my general discontent, temporarily shifted our focuses more to physicality and self-consciousness. Reality check: the Western world is overwhelmed with pictures and ideas of what "beauty" should look like, and the flood has caused innumerable poor self-images (either in self-condemnation leading to eating disorders, depression etc or in vanity leading to arrogance and pride). Of course, I'm not saying that I am against modeling/ beauty appreciation etc (I've been in a few beauty pageants, love gorgeous dresses, and even had the possibility of a summer of modeling in Milan). However, I find myself surprised at how annoyed and uncomfortable I get when I hear or see others criticizing their physical selves. Beyond my general discontent at negativity, no matter where it's directed, and even beyond the mis-prioritization and misconception these thoughts bring, I think there is a larger problem with consistent self-criticism and self-consciousness. In Genesis 1:27, we are told that God created men and women, "in His own image." Multiple times throughout Scripture, we are assured that God was very intentional and loving in creating each human being. God doesn't mess up. Because of this, I think it's actually a bit of a slap in the face to our Creator when we become overly worried and critical of ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I can't possibly minimize such a widespread problem of self-image by simply saying "get over it." I'm very aware that the issue is a real struggle for many people; it probably is for everyone at some time or another. As you may know, I'm not a psychiatrist, doctor, or really professional of any kind. Still, I've concluded that when girls (or boys) get together and repeatedly voice their self-consciousness, it actually instills even greater self-consciousness. We can feed off of each other and find faults in ourselves that we didn't even know we had. (Picture the Mean Girls scene in the mirror). I think this may be part of the reason that it really gets under my skin when others are so casually and adamantly self-conscious. It creates an environment of negativity for everyone involved.
I think one of the easiest ways I've found to avoid such negative vibes in a group setting is to simply not focus so much on the physical side of ourselves and others. Shifting our focus and our attitude. We can do this by noticing the positive physical traits in ourselves and others, but I think it may actually be even better to also notice and comment on the emotional and spiritual traits (the good stuff). When we praise for things that truly matter, it can shift what we look for. I've been trying to be intentional about not allowing myself or any of the other gappies to say anything negative during this fashion show (or hopefully at any time). (AKA I threatened to punch anyone who said something physically self-critical: probably not the most sensitive solution... haha). Overall, I think this experience will be a fantastic memory for all of us, and it really is just another bonding moment. Still, I think the theme of self-image is crucial for nearly every human- no matter the region, culture, or time period- and this episode is a great illustration of such. How we view ourselves can completely change how we perceive the rest of the world. That's why I love that the entire point of this coming fashion show is to instill and exhibit the confidence of women, and I believe that it will do just that*.
*Plus, didn't I mention that there will be princesses present? So cool.
For the next month in Amman, Jordan, the entire gap group will be interning in various departments of the Princess Taghrid Institute. Among many other wonderful things, the Institute will be hosting a women's empowerment conference called the East West and Africa Women's Initiatives Conference. Aside from talks, trainings, and a dinner, the conference will hold a fashion show. What could be better than becoming a runway model in a huge fashion show in the Middle East while actual princesses are in the audience? Nothing- especially if you ask any girl under the age of 10. As expected, all the gap girls (who were all once 10 and still remember the feeling) signed up, and we had to "audition" with our walk that same day for a pro model. The next day, we met with the (highly successful) designer downtown to try on some of the dresses. In about 2 weeks (after "training" 4 times per week), we will retry the dresses and possibly make cuts (apparently only half of us can actually participate). As you can imagine, this is way more serious than we had originally imagined, although just as exciting and fun. Nonetheless, the experience seems to have, to my general discontent, temporarily shifted our focuses more to physicality and self-consciousness. Reality check: the Western world is overwhelmed with pictures and ideas of what "beauty" should look like, and the flood has caused innumerable poor self-images (either in self-condemnation leading to eating disorders, depression etc or in vanity leading to arrogance and pride). Of course, I'm not saying that I am against modeling/ beauty appreciation etc (I've been in a few beauty pageants, love gorgeous dresses, and even had the possibility of a summer of modeling in Milan). However, I find myself surprised at how annoyed and uncomfortable I get when I hear or see others criticizing their physical selves. Beyond my general discontent at negativity, no matter where it's directed, and even beyond the mis-prioritization and misconception these thoughts bring, I think there is a larger problem with consistent self-criticism and self-consciousness. In Genesis 1:27, we are told that God created men and women, "in His own image." Multiple times throughout Scripture, we are assured that God was very intentional and loving in creating each human being. God doesn't mess up. Because of this, I think it's actually a bit of a slap in the face to our Creator when we become overly worried and critical of ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I can't possibly minimize such a widespread problem of self-image by simply saying "get over it." I'm very aware that the issue is a real struggle for many people; it probably is for everyone at some time or another. As you may know, I'm not a psychiatrist, doctor, or really professional of any kind. Still, I've concluded that when girls (or boys) get together and repeatedly voice their self-consciousness, it actually instills even greater self-consciousness. We can feed off of each other and find faults in ourselves that we didn't even know we had. (Picture the Mean Girls scene in the mirror). I think this may be part of the reason that it really gets under my skin when others are so casually and adamantly self-conscious. It creates an environment of negativity for everyone involved.
I think one of the easiest ways I've found to avoid such negative vibes in a group setting is to simply not focus so much on the physical side of ourselves and others. Shifting our focus and our attitude. We can do this by noticing the positive physical traits in ourselves and others, but I think it may actually be even better to also notice and comment on the emotional and spiritual traits (the good stuff). When we praise for things that truly matter, it can shift what we look for. I've been trying to be intentional about not allowing myself or any of the other gappies to say anything negative during this fashion show (or hopefully at any time). (AKA I threatened to punch anyone who said something physically self-critical: probably not the most sensitive solution... haha). Overall, I think this experience will be a fantastic memory for all of us, and it really is just another bonding moment. Still, I think the theme of self-image is crucial for nearly every human- no matter the region, culture, or time period- and this episode is a great illustration of such. How we view ourselves can completely change how we perceive the rest of the world. That's why I love that the entire point of this coming fashion show is to instill and exhibit the confidence of women, and I believe that it will do just that*.
*Plus, didn't I mention that there will be princesses present? So cool.
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